Good-bye 2010

I just don't know how I got here and still don't feel like an adult.

I feel like a kid trying to be an adult most of the time.

Like I'm running to try to catch up to all the other grown-ups

but they're always 10 steps ahead of me and I can't catch my breath.

Like I will never have a house that looks like  the Pottery Barn magazine,

at least one of my daughters will always have an all-out tantrum inclusive of at least 1 drama-fest

right when I'm trying to look like the mom who has it all pulled together,

like I will never have a home cooked dinner on the table every single night of the week...

like I still forget to buy milk for Syniah when that was my sole purpose of going to Target.

There will always be  a pile of laundry in the corner  for the rest of my life.

I used to get really weighed down by these things that I might never be...

This year has been quite a ride.

It's been emotional and things have happened that I would never of imagined.

I have been mad and hurt with  God at times but know that his love for me is unconditional.

Through all of it my Beautiful Leilah Faith was born and has grown into an amazing loving little girl who will be 1 year old in a few days.

Syniah has this personality that wins hearts over and over again.

I think I have done a great job as a Mom even though I have had those days where I feel as though I have failed them.

When I see past all the materialistic stuff and look into the inner-beauty of my daughters I know I have done something right.

This year I've learned to see beauty in the little things. I've learned that no matter how

crappy your surroundings and circumstances are, they are not nearly

as important as the people in your life that you love and who love you back, unconditionally.

I've learned that it's OK to not be all those things that I feel like I fall short on being.

I'm a good person. I try to be kind and loving. I try to give when I can and

I try to make those around me feel loved and important.

I've learned that that's what matters most.

A perfect home and laundry-less corners can kiss my ...

I've got 2 lively and lovely little girls, yes-- who scream every now and then,

but they matter most right now and everything will stay perfectly clean

when they're grown and gone...

I will continue trying to be the best Mom I can be and this coming year I know God has bigger and better plans for us. I realize that good things come to those who wait and I Can't wait for God to reveal those things to US. 

Most of all though, the most important thing that 

I've learned this year is that leaning on God can

get you through just about anything.

Bring it on 2011!